ah, finally an ascent of the funk that has been lingering about my household this last week. this is fresh and wonderful and not a moment too soon considering the fact my house is scheduled to be full of people tomorrow...people demanding food, fun, and a keg fulla beer.

and that they shall have, good lord willing.

i start this day with a clear and well slept head, toes freshly pedi'd after a long stint of postpartum frightfulness, a mason jar full of iced vanilla coffee, and the will to party.

my littlests are at my side, being cute and squishy and tenacious and toddleriffic...and i shall accomplish greatness in honor. the grom is off in jersey being sullen and teenagerly...but she calls me three to four times daily and i know she misses me and that, friends, is a badge of awesome if ever i knew of one. she still LOVES me...and she's thirteen.

and i know that could be totally par for, but in my life...things were decidedly different and thats my only frame of reference...the shoddy motherhood i was subjected to...so to know im surpassing that old modus really puts a gust in my sails...and inspires me to continue on.

this thought is half sponsored by my viewing of 'gone baby, gone' the other day...have you seen it? spoilers aside, the choice that casey affleck's character is faced with at the end really set my mind off...made me wonder what i would do, how i would feel being the mother in that situation...what's right when it comes to a child's welfare?

anyways, the bottom line came down to me always striving to be a good mother first and foremost...the rest is hardly as important, for these kids of mine were brought into the world on my promise to care for them and protect them and provide for them to the best of my ability. so that is what i need to do. and what ive been doing, relatively. the grom did get the tail-end of some serious years of partying and probably a little too much selfishness, but it is what it is...and i think i managed to still eek by with some semblance of mutual respect. it will be interesting to see the differences in our relationship and the ones i have w/ the other two as they grow up...

anyways! glad i got to at least type out some of my inner thoughts of late...as is the case these days, i have to cut the introspection short to go do tasks of a higher calling...such as laundry! and grocery shopping! and maybe even putting on a bra!

and on that note, im seriously considering the hacking off of all my hard earned hair...do you think it feels neglected in this perpetual pony and bobbypin hastey 'do? im pretty attached...but i saw some lady in costco yesterday with this red hair down past her butt and it was all you could see...this hair. and you know its cuz she's a redhead and everyone always tells her how 'lucky' she is to have that color and how 'some people would kill' for it, blah blah...and she reminded me of my own mother's ridiculously long locks, and in my head, i was like...'cut that shit'...then it reminded me of ME and how im all into growing my hair...and then i felt like all i am is a hair farmer...and perhaps harvest is nigh...thoughts?

i know the picture quality is ghetto, but its dark and taken w/ my phone...but you get the idea...

and THIS tangent is obviously brought to you by the mason jar of iced coffee im guzzling.

off, for reals!

becks